About 9 years ago, we went to the front door of our home after hearing frantic knocking. Jake, our 8 year old son, was outside playing with Clay, the 12 year old from across the street.  Clay was then, and is now, a super young man that can always be trusted.  He and Jake were like brothers doing everything together and always enjoying each other’s company despite their age difference. 

When my wife opened the door, a neighbor told her she found Jake crying. There had evidently been an accident and Jake was holding several bloody paper towels over one of his eyes.  The natural response is to remove the paper towels to see what damage had been inflicted.  As soon as they were removed, you could see a very small “bur” or “stick” stuck in Jake’s eye directly over his pupil.  Despite being horrified, we simply told Jake we needed to go to the doctor.  We packed up in the car and drove the 20 minutes to our local hospital emergency room (ER). I tried to maintain a sense of calm but I’m sure my driving spoke volumes.

Jake told us what had happened when we got into the car.  It seems he and Clay were playing “pine cone war” and were throwing pine cones at each other.  As Clay was running away from Jake, he tossed a pine cone over his shoulder without aiming and it struck Jake in the eye leaving the “needle”.  I played “pine cone war” as a child and never dreamed an accident like this could occur.  At that age, you’re bullet proof and somehow unable to see any danger.

Once at the ER we went straight to the triage nurse.  She never looked at Jake’s eye but instructed us in a matter of fact manner to fill out a small piece of paper stating the nature of the visit, our names, address, etc. and place it in a basket and someone would be with us in time.  We completed the paperwork and found a seat in the waiting area.  The waiting area accommodates approximately 30 people and there were about that many waiting. 

Jake sat in his mother’s lap quietly.  While waiting, I looked around the room and found myself guessing why they were at the ER that night.  One clearly had a terrible cold because they coughed, “sniffed”, and blew their nose the entire time.  One little boy had a broken arm because he yelled intermittently “it hurts” as loud as possible while it dangled by his side.  An elderly man was their with other family members as his wife was brought in by ambulance.  Another had a cut hand.  After about 30 minutes, the triage nurse came in and called our names.

We proceeded to the triage room and answered various questions about the accident and eventually assigned a “yellow” sticker and told to go back to the waiting room.  The triage system is color-coded.  Our assumption is that “red” is urgent, “yellow” not so urgent, and “green” means “you can wait until we see the ‘red’ and ‘yellow’ patients”.  While we were assigned “yellow”, I assure you we felt our situation was very urgent – especially dealing with an eye injury.  After another 30 minutes or so we were called back the ER treatment area.

An ER doctor came in, looked at the eye, and immediately sent for an opthomolgist.  The opthomologist looked at the eye and told us they would have to operate immediately to remove the bur.  She told us there were no guarantees and that he may lose the eye when the bur is taken out.  She explained that the eye was similiar to a balloon and depending upon the degree of penetration, his eye could collapse.  I was devestated and had to leave the room.  I went outside of the ER and found night had fallen.  The only thing I could think of was that my 8 year old was going to lose an eye – at 8 years old!  It is so unfair!  After I composed myself, I went back into the ER and Jake still laid there quietly.  His only complaint was he wanted to remove the bandage but we wouldn’t let him.  “No, Jake.  Just lay there and keep your eyes closed and don’t move them”.  Easily said by an adult.  Even at 8, Jake understood the gravity of the situation and remained motionless.

After the surgery team was assembled, they rolled Jake to the operating room as my wife and I followed.  We said good bye and promised Jake it would be fine and that we would see him soon.  I was so proud of him.  He never complained or cryed.  He simply said “Ok”.

After the surgery, the surgeon told us Jake did not lose his eye however we should not expect him to regain any vision better than 20/100.  It seems an “X” scar was located directly over the pupil and would surely limit his vision dramatically.  That was better than losing the eye but I found myself speculating about his limitation and how it would affect him later in life.

Jake’s treatment after the surgery was to place steroid drops in the eye for a month every day, three times a day.  The opthomologist told us there was a chance this treatment would shrink the scar and improve his vision.  After a month, Jake’s vision was 20/15 – a remarkable improvement, and to us, a miracle of faith.

Jake is a starting baseball pitcher on the high school team with a batting average of .340.  I often wonder how this would be changed if he continued to have 20/100 vision in one eye. 

When something like this happens to you and your family, it boils down what is most important in life a matter of a few minutes.  I can tell you that life’s clutter is meaningless when your child is laying in the ER and you realize just how helpless you are.   

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Divorce Parenting with a Plan

Your first decision should be a visitation schedule. Now I don’t know what your position is, but it will be positive for your kids if you share custody. If you happen to get full custody of your minors than, please make sure your ex partner is involved. I understand you might sometimes be angry at your ex spouse, only you don’t want to prevent your kids from seeing their father or mother.

Your next order of concern should be finances. Now typically speaking the person who gets custody gets 10% – 25% of the other parent’s income. I tend to believe that this is the wrong way of conducting with the situation. I grew up with separate parents, and it was more horrible when my mother took my father to court for child support. Each time my father would come see me, they would start fighting. The easiest times I got growing up were when we were all together. My parents agree to split costs and custody evenly. I urge you follow a similar plan. You should split the costs of the spending for your minors right down the middle. This will ensure a solid family relationship.

You might need to discuss your children’s education. You should both be playing a role in your children’s education. It is fine if you decide to take care of your kids at different times, only when it comes to education you should both be there in helping them learn. Since my parents were fighting at the beginning of my childhood; I used to go to the library to study and learn. You know I have never been to Disney World, but going to the library felt like that for me.

This is the most key part of divorce parenting and parenting in whole, discipline. You need to have a certain set of house rules and discipline that work best with both of you. You don’t want one parent being the strict one, while the other one plays the gracious one. Even though you live in other households you are still considered a couple when it comes to your children’s eyes. If you desire to learn more about discipline see this website: http://www.parentinghelpcentral.com/parenting-discipline/parenting-discipline-discipline-in-this-generation As long as you both make similar guidelines when it comes to disciplining you should do fine.

Working together as divorce parents might be tedious at first, but as long as you follow a set plan you should be able to make the transition smoother on your kids. Just remember be respectful of your ex partner and don’t place your minors in the center of anything.

Jeffrey Willis.  After having a rough childhood, I have made it my goal to help parents with advice on parenting in general. You can read more on this subject at http://www.parentinghelpcentral.com/divorce-parenting/divorce-parenting-parenting-after-a-divorce/ or about more on http://www.parentinghelpcentral.com/

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We decided to teach him early and hopefully he would be able to manage his money well when he became an adult.  Admirable goal.  This is how we did it.

First, we determined his “work”.  While just giving Jake an “allowance” would have been fine – we wanted him to work for his money just like his parents and everyone else in the world.  We outlined a series of chores to be accomplished every day, including homework, and then “paid” him a monthly amount relative to an 10 year old.  Jake was expected to tithe to his church, buy his school lunch, purchase a little something for himselft throughout the month as a reward, and save.

I remember going to a sporting goods store with Jake about 2 months into our budgeting project.  He needed a new baseball because his went down the street gutter never to be seen again.  Jake took his money that he had saved (about $8) to the store with him very proudly.  I asked a clerk to help him and they discussed the benefits of 3 types of baseball.  One type was the best you could buy.  The next was a “middle of the road” type of ball.  The last was a cheap sawdust ball.  Jake thought for a moment and selected the “middle of the road” ball.  I asked him “why”.  He told me he couldn’t afford the expensive baseball and the saw dust ball was too cheap and wouldn’t last.

We were very surprised to see Jake monitoring his monthly wages and allocating them appropriatly as we’d planned.  The benefits of this were realized immediately:

• No whinning in the store “I want it” because he knew if he had it, he could spend it.
• Jake was responsible for his lunch account at school – not us.
• His homework was getting done.
• We were teaching our son how to manage money.
• He saved money.
• He tithed 10% to his church.
• He was prioritizing his spending.

Jake and Family

Jake’s now 17 years old and we’ve been enjoying the way he budgets his money.  Now he’s driving so we had to increase his monthly pay for gas, maintenance, and haircuts – a little money for dating as well.  For this monthly increase, he’s incurred more “work”.

So how is it going with the budgeting lesson?  Last week he announced he was taking his lunch to school because it was less expensive than buying it at the school cafeteria.  He said he needed some extra money because gas prices had increased.   I like that.

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