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Gentlemen Are Cool!
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I was brought up to be a gentleman whether I am or not today. I was commissioned as an officer in the United States Army and made a gentleman by an act of the US Congress. I realize my thinking may be dated, but common courtesies, etiquette, and manners never go out of style.
I remember watching my grandfather tip his hat to a lady, open doors, hold chairs, and stand – yes, stand – when a lady entered the room. You probably have noticed these behaviors in old black and white movies with John Wayne and Humphrey Bogart or on the Andy Griffith show reruns. These gentlemanly requirements of the past have long since become extinct although I will stand on occasion when a lady enters a room or my office.
“I remember watching my grandfather tip his hat to a lady”
Today things have changed:
- Rarely does anyone say “please” and “thank you”. These are the magic words of life that show common courtesy and respect.
- Holding a door? Sure, I see that once in a while but I often have them closed in my face especially when I’m carrying a large package or multiple bags of groceries.
- Tipping a hat? Only when Derek Jeter surpasses Lou Gehrig with more hits in a Yankees uniform.
- Standing in line and waiting for your turn: Oh please! That is the one thing in life that makes me angry. The sign on the side of the road says “Merge Right – Lane Ends” so I naturally do as the sign says. My other motorists ride the expiring lane until the last possible minute and force their way into my lane in front of me.
- “Yes sir”, “No sir”, “Yes ma’am”, “No ma’am”: Never hear that anymore. Originally it was a simple recognition of verbal respect. At my favorite restaurant the 18 year old waitress asks my 74 year old parents “What will you guys have?”. I’m sorry but my parents or any elderly person is not “you guys”.
Raising our son to be respectful and courteous of others has been a challenge. While he understands the method behind the madness and agrees it is appropriate behavior, he is constantly reminded of the “new way” of doing things from his friends who neither have respect for themselves or show it to others. One only has to walk in a public place to view the constant barrage of disrespectful, rude, and crass behaviors exhibited towards others. Do I really need to hear your music from a block away? Can you please put down your cell phone long enough to speak to me or assist me or transact your business?
My parents did much teaching me this art of respect and enforced in regularly until I “caught on”. I think the the biggest influence that helped me develop this skills was the role played by Andy Griffith (The Andy Griffith Show) as Sheriff Andy Taylor. Nightly I watched him socialize, interact with the rest of Mayberry, and “walk the walk” of a true gentleman on TV. The lessons brought forth in every episode taught me something and I watched with eagerness for 30 minutes solid. You may laugh, but I learned from the experience. It may have been fantasy but to me he was the consummate southern gentleman I wanted to be.
While I agree that some of the gentleness of the past should stay there – along with dueling – I do believe we as a society would be better off if we started recognizing other’s space, their individual rights, and treat them with just a little more respect. We don’t have to be ‘’stuffed shirts” or act like refined English gentlemen of the 1800’s. Let’s watch a few episodes of Andy and learn something.
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